I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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