My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
