She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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