Kiss
Puke
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
