I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
