You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
