Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
