I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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