brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
