Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
