guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
