That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
