All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
