He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
