so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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