was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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