after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
