JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
