I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
