I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
