I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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