just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
