why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
