i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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