Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
