No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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