Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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