even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
