well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
