Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
