watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
