my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
