What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
