FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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