Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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