some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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