Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
