I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
