so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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