He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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