White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
