Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
