i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
