you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
