At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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