i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
