There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
