can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
