tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My feet surprised me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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