She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
