her vagine was all disorganized.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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