My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
