He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
