Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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