3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
