I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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