Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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