good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sext me about skeletons
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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