everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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