I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
