omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
