I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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