That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
