my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
