He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
