even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
