I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
