just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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