I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
