You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
