did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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