Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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