just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
