Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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