so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
