billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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